Episode #188 Having boundaries as a parent

This episode:

In this episode Ava shares her recent experiences as a parent and openly discusses the difficulties that have played out over the last 13 months.

Ava also talks about what it really means to set boundaries and the journey of applying boundaries in her life, relationship and as a parent.

Whether you are a parent or not, this podcast is for you if you are interested in applying healthy boundaries in your life.

If you want to receive the longer training on boundaries please click here.

February Newsletter:

Dear readers,


A little update from my world as we step into the 2nd month of 2024!

January has been transitional, deep, fun…

We’ve had family holidays, beach time and a lot of great projects starting at both Spanda and FS!
And also…I’ve gone through a lot of emotions in my role as a mother.​​

They speak about a huge shift you experience when you first have a kid. Well, I never had one. I'm still not sure why. It just felt like me, with all my same hats.

Now that Jasmine has transitioned into toddler-hood, her need for stimulation has brought up anxiousness and disappointment in me. It feels like I’m coming to terms with her needs for the first time.

Look, we are so so so lucky with Jasmine. She is healthy, happy, amazing, well-loved, fun…

And at the same time she is a toddler - a 24/7 job that no one gets paid for.

There are moments of fun and snuggles, but to me its a job; being present to her demands is not free/home/personal time.

We are so privileged to be 2 stay-at-home parents, with many resources and supports and only ONE child/ job to take care of…

We have worked hard in many ways to have the opportunities we have. YET that privilege can actually breed dissatisfaction.

Jarred and I have noted that when you don’t have many resources, when you have it really hard, you have less choices about how you can find pleasure, comfort, ease and optimisation:

You aren’t as hungry for something that isn’t on the table…

You have your head down in the limited choices that are available… just making it through. Surviving even, until more choice and space appears (hopefully).

And if something that has always been on the table, is suddenly taken away

Well I have been processing a lot of disappointment this month.

After working hard for so many years to build up resources, support and choices… a majority of them are now going away from me to a toddler. I just can't come to terms with the inefficiency of one parent struggling to entertain and babysit one child... Do you want to go see the chickens again? What about a book? Ok, how about your bike?

Babysitting a toddler is a job I’m just not interested in, and I’m not surprised by that. It's something we’ve known and tried to prepare for. It's a job I’d look forward to knocking off from so I can do my other job… the creative/passionate/skilful - paid job. Or feed myself, exercise, paint, etc.

There's a downfall to having really high standards of how you spend your time... you are more sensitive to doing things that don't feel inspiring, and are prone to feel disappointed when you don't have a choice.

I do think this process has been a good thing, I know there will be a resolution soon, but that settledness and balance is not here yet. Coming to terms with the reality of our situation and finding a balance between gratitude, acceptance and strategic ways to keep Jasmine stimulated that don’t bore the f* out of me.

Today at the beach was a great example :)

(Secretly scared about winter though)

There’s a lot more nuance to our family dynamic, my role and the preparation I’ve done. I will share more about this in our next podcast, so that this can be kept a brief update :) Thanks for reading.



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